blogging

Positive Thinking: Not Just a Fluffy, New-Age Term

Posted on by horseyogagirl

img_7469
“When disturbed by negative thoughts, opposite ones should be thought of.” ~Sutra 2:33

I wanted to expand a bit on my Instagram/Facebook post from yesterday regarding positive thinking. When I suggest thinking positively, I don’t mean in a fluffy, “let’s just pretend everything is okay” kind of way. We’re human, so we’re going to experience the full range of emotions no matter how much positive thinking we do; however, it’s our response to these emotions that matters. In The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali by Sri Swami Satchidananda, sutra 2:33 reveals the key to happiness—when you have a negative thought, simply replace it with a positive one. This is easier said than done, but gets easier with practice and is certainly worth the effort.

“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” ~Dalai Lama

Negative thinking, whether it’s about oneself, one’s environment, or others, contributes to stress and health problems. Positive thinking, on the other hand, enables your mind to be open to more possibilities and can have a huge impact on your health. Have you ever witnessed road rage? That guy aggressively tailgating the driver who just cut him off—you can bet his blood pressure and stress levels are high. Imagine instead how much more at peace he’d be if he didn’t let another driver’s actions affect his mood so intensely. Next time you’re cut off in traffic, instead of thinking about what a jerk the other driver is, think instead that it’s no problem and be grateful for your safety despite the close call.

The super-inspiring Ashtanga yogi Kino MacGregor says that samskaras “are essentially habit patterns of the mind that have been practiced so much so that they run on auto-pilot, unconsciously generating the same cyclical type of interactions in the world.” Samskaras in and of themselves are not necessarily good nor bad, but we get closer to achieving samadhi, or bliss, if we become aware of our own samskaras. When you think in a certain way, that pathway in the brain becomes stronger and stronger, so if you typically think negative thoughts, those thoughts will be the easiest for you to think. It will be difficult to change your thinking, but it is possible. With practice you can form new, healthier pathways in the brain that will eventually become stronger than old, unhealthy pathways. Meditation is a great way to form new pathways, as it gives you time and space to notice your own thought patterns, and that awareness is what enables you to change them.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” ~Marianne Williamson

The power to change your life lies within yourself. The greatest opportunity for growth dwells in the small, everyday moments. Meditate. Notice your thoughts. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. It may feel cheesy at first, but with practice it will become authentic and will change your life.

Embracing My Bitch Self

Posted on by horseyogagirl

A friend and I got into an interesting conversation over dinner the other night. Old wounds were brought to light and I was reminded that I still have healing to do. My friend asked me why I lie down and take “it.” “It” being confidence-crushing, self-esteem-erasing emotional abuse. He reminded me that I’m stronger than that and I don’t need to be passive when someone attacks me. Last year I was assaulted. The assault was mild, but my psyche was still affected. During the assault, time stood still. I froze. I had no reaction. I didn’t fight back, and I wish I would’ve, I wish I could’ve.

In college my boyfriend at the time once held me down after I refused his sexual advances. I thought he was going to rape me. In those moments, too, I froze. I wish I had fought back, bitten him, kicked him, screamed at the top of my lungs. Instead I was lost in the surreality of the moment, frozen by the disbelief that someone I trusted might actually violate me in the most horrific manner possible. He didn’t, but I still got a taste of that fear.

As a child, I had an emotionally-abusive stepfather for a few years. So many times when he was yelling at me or my mom, I wanted to scream back at him, I wanted to shove him out of our home, I wanted him to be gone and I didn’t care how. But that’s not what nice little girls do, so I kept my mouth shut.

Physical and emotional abuse make the victim feel powerless and helpless. I’ve held my tongue during many incidents of emotional abuse for fear of only making my aggressor angrier. The thing about remaining passive, though, is that it doesn’t work. We need to learn to stand up for ourselves, and if the aggressor doesn’t back down, to remove ourselves from the situation. I know that isn’t always easy or possible, but it is necessary. We need to stop worrying about being “nice,” “ladylike,” and passive. We need to own our space as women and remind the world that we do, indeed, have a right to take up space, to speak our minds, to control our bodies, and to fight back when we are attacked. Men can be victims, too, and right now we all need to stand together.

After an emotionally-trying 2016, I’ve decided to embrace my “bitch self,” as another friend called it, and make 2017 the year I fully accept and love that part of myself. My bitch self speaks her mind, doesn’t take shit from anyone, doesn’t sugarcoat the truth, acts with purpose, takes care of herself first, stands up for others, doesn’t try to temper her passion, loves fiercely, and cuts out those in her life who would try to bring her down. I encourage everyone to embrace her (or his) bitch self this year. Those coming into power in this country will try to silence us, hold us down, take away our rights and freedoms, so we must fight. The world needs us. We need each other.

All I Needed

Posted on by horseyogagirl

I needed you

but you needed to be

somewhere else

So I put off needing you

for a little while

But then the needing crept back in

and I asked you

I asked you to return to me

and you said

“Not yet”

So again I put off the needing

shoving it aside

telling myself I was okay

Convincing myself that I could

stand needing you and not

having you

a little while longer

But something happened

every time I needed you

and you weren’t there

I had to stand on my own

I had to be there for myself

and every time

I fell apart

I put myself back together

without you

Eventually I realized

that I never had you

and that I never really

needed you

I only needed myself

So I want to thank you

for showing me how to

stand on my own two feet

how to truly follow

my heart

and be true to my soul

and for showing me

that all I ever really needed

was me

From Breaking to Becoming

Posted on by horseyogagirl

fullsizerender

After you left

I forgot the sound

of my own laughter

I forgot

how to move my lips

into the shape

of a smile

I forgot

how to take

a deep breath

I forgot

how to stop blaming

myself for everything

bad in this world

I got lost

in the shadows

of my own soul

and forgot

that I even had one

Slowly miraculous things

started to happen

I’d go hours without

thinking of you

The moment I remembered

would stab my heart

but each time

I got stronger

I survived

I am still here

I remembered

I had other reasons

to live

to love

to laugh

My world stopped revolving

around the sun

of your false promises

I became

my own sun

and nothing

will ever

put out my fire again

fullsizerender-1

 

Firsts

Posted on by horseyogagirl

There’s something special about firsts.

I remember the first time I saw snow.

I remember my first horse show.

I remember the first book I read.

I remember the first time I rode a bike without training wheels.

I remember my first best friend.

I remember the first time my pony soulmate (may he rest in peace) touched my palm with his muzzle.

I remember my first crush.

I remember my first period.

I remember the first time I went to New York City.

I remember my first kiss.

I certainly remember the first time I drove a stick shift.

I remember the first time I made love.

I remember my first heartbreak.

I remember the first time I tried scotch.

I remember my first day of college.

I remember the first time I jumped off a cliff into water 30 feet below.

I remember the first time I realized that sometimes love isn’t enough.

I remember the first time I truly felt that we are all one.

Firsts usually aren’t easy.
Firsts involve trying something new.
Stepping out of the comfort zone.
But from every first, there’s something to be learned.
In every first, there’s an opportunity for growth.
And firsts are special, because you remember leaping and spreading wings you didn’t even know you had.
And what if you leapt and fell?
Well then you get to remember that you got back up, stronger and wiser than before.
This year will be my first Burning Man.
There will be plenty of firsts next week, I’m sure.
Some will be exhilarating, others will be intimidating, some will be uplifting, and others may beat me down into the dust.
What I know is that I’ll return changed—stronger, yet softer, wiser, yet more open.
So to this first I say, Burning Man, bring it on.
Burning Man

Graze On

Posted on by horseyogagirl

Something burst open yesterday, in me and in the universe. After all, we are the universe and the universe is in us. We are made of stars. I laid my mat on the earth, craving the outdoors, the fresh air, the sky above me and the earth beneath. Prana flowed through me, grounding me and lifting me up all at once. My mind was quieter than ever, allowing me to truly be fully present during my practice. My heart was so open that backbending poses I had never before been able to do came easily. I was so grounded I held my handstand for seven long, slow breaths—longer than I had ever held it before. I lifted into pinchamayurasana with ease and stayed with little effort. I floated through my surya namaskars. My core fired up and kept me centered through it all. Because my mind was quiet, my ego couldn’t butt in and interfere. I was moving purely from my soul. My practice wasn’t perfect—I gently tumbled out of a standing split. Then I laughed and found joy there and realized that even in our flaws there is perfection.

IMG_5970

In a particularly vulnerable moment, I realized that everything that will be already was, and everything that was will be. After that epiphany made itself known to me, I let go. I let go of worry. I let go of stress. I let go of trying to control anything and everything except my own mind. All decisions have already been made. All outcomes have already happened. There’s no need to fret. Worry does nothing but drain our energy. This does not equal nihilism, nor does it negate free will. We still have choices—we’ve just already made them. We can still fight for what’s right, but the difference is that we can fight without struggling.

IMG_4806

Something big shifted in the universe. Can you feel it? No? Be still. Meditate. Breathe. Do yoga. Go for a walk. Pet your dog, cat, bird, horse, ferret or whatever furry/feathery friend you have. Watch your fish. Look up at the sky. Find what you’re grateful for and then sit with that gratitude. Listen to the steady beating of your heart. Feel whatever emotion is there, whether it’s joy, sorrow, hope, despair or longing. Feel it. Express it. Change what needs to be changed. And then move on. Go with the flow. You’ll continue down the river anyway, so why splash about so, unless you’re splashing for fun?

IMG_6821

So please, for the sake of your own beautiful soul, let go. Graze on. Just breathe. Just be.

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” Albert Einstein

A Little Girl’s Love Story

Posted on by horseyogagirl

This is a love story. Like any good love story, it has a tragic ending. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Sugar & Me
“Sugar, Sugar” began to blare through the speakers and my breath stuck in my throat. It was our song. It always will be. This is the end though, and I need to start from the beginning.
Cute Sugar
His blond, tousled mane waved in the wind so beautifully, Fabio would’ve been envious. His caramel coat was shiny and soft. But those features aren’t what made me fall in love with him. There was something special in his eyes—isn’t there always in love stories? This pony stallion was only three years old, but his eyes belonged to an old soul. They held ancient secrets and wisdom a little girl could only dream of. I was eight years old when we met.
Western Sugar

My mom bought this wild pony for just $300. He caught her eye every day on her way to work, so she inquired about him. The owner raised horses for meat and this pony was going to the sale in two weeks. The first time I saw him, I climbed the fence into his field, and he was the only horse in the entire herd to raise his head and acknowledge my presence. He kept his gaze locked on me and came cantering down towards me. I looked back at my mom and asked her what I should do. She said, “Stay put!” Feeling sure I was about to be trampled, I decided it was too late to run. He stopped just out of reach, his ears perked and his head held high. I offered him an apple and he slowly stepped forward, taking it from my hand. It was the first human touch he’d ever had.

Sugar in Roundpen 2

Sugar and one of the many members of his fan club

My mom assisted me with his training when she could, but she was busy running a Five-Star Equestrian Center, so Sugar and I were mostly on our own. I named him Sugar Maple after the Maple tree because his coat was the color of maple syrup. I trained Sugar using Natural Horsemanship methods, but mostly he taught me. I learned patience, perseverance and compassion. He gave me companionship when I could find it nowhere else. I endured emotional and verbal abuse from a man who lived with us for a few years, and I wouldn’t have survived those years without Sugar. He reminded me that not all the world is cruel and gave me a safe place to pour my tears.

Naptime at the Show Sugar at Mt Top

Sugar and I won Champion or Reserve at every show, whether we competed in Hunt Seat, the pony division, or Western Pleasure. Sugar could do it all and he did it well. That 13.2 hand pony would jump anything for me, including a four-foot oxer. My favorite ride was one where Sugar gave me a glimpse into his world. He lived on a 100-acre farm at the time, and I went into the field and hopped on him bareback with just a rope halter. I whispered in his ear, “Show me your world,” and he took off trotting up the hillside. We went into the woods and he took me onto little deer paths I didn’t even know were there. He broke into a gallop and we raced into the wide-open field.

Georgia Trail Sugar Jumping Log

Sugar and I grew up together. When I outgrew him, other little girls and boys took lessons on Sugar, explored the woods on his wide back, and competed in horse shows, earning not just ribbons, but life lessons.

Sugar Hoof Picking

I remained petite enough to continue riding Sugar non-competitively. We’d go out on trails for hours, just the two of us, no words spoken between us, but so much said in our silent togetherness in nature. Sugar taught me how to find peace in stillness and how to hear the words of my heart. He taught me how to navigate the delicate balance between audacity and reason. Almost the only time we did speak on trail is when I would sing “Sugar, Sugar” to him, but my lyrics were a bit different: “Sugar, Sugar…Oh, Honey, Honey…You are my super pony, and you make me so happy.”

Yoga with Sugar

Sugar’s the first horse I practiced yoga with, and he graciously humored me.

I had to say goodbye to Sugar in March of 2014. He was only twenty years old, but he had colic one time too many and I had to make the difficult decision to lay him to rest. Not a day has passed without me thinking of him and my heart remains heavy. Our song came on over the speakers at a horse event I was attending, and I had to push down the surge of emotion welling up in my throat and eyes. I had to stifle my expression of grief. A couple of nights later, I couldn’t sleep, the wounds of my loss freshly opened. Outside my bedroom window, I noticed flashing lights. The lightening bugs were performing their nightly ritual. Every night they’d light up the trees behind my room like a festival light show, but I was rarely awake to enjoy the magical sight. Lying there watching a wonder of nature, I realized Sugar’s still here. He’s in every happy moment I have, every moment of awe and wonder, every moment of love and magic. Love is the greatest gift he gave me and love doesn’t just die. His body is gone, but his soul lives on. I hear him in birdsongs, I feel him in the breeze and sunshine, and I know that wherever he is, he is young again and he is happy.

“Beyond ideas of right and wrong, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” ~Rumi

5 Bloggers You Need to Know

Posted on by horseyogagirl

I read A LOT of blogs before deciding to start my own. It’s scary to start your own blog. What if no one likes it? What if you run out of things to write about? And the scariest question of all: What if no one reads it?

gravel road in VA

You can’t always see what’s ahead. Sometimes you have to go on anyway, blind and hopeful.

I still struggle with those fears, but I have a new mantra: If you write it, they will come. I truly believe like attracts like, and I know my words will reach those whose hearts they’re meant to touch. The scariest acts in life are often the most rewarding. I once jumped off a 30′ cliff into water. By far one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, but also one of the most exhilarating and memorable. I jumped a total of three times, and every single time was scary. So I’m not going to tell you it gets easier, pouring your heart onto a page and trusting the world not to completely mutilate it. What I will tell you is that it’s worth it. So meditate today and find the things hiding in your soul that scare you. Pull them out into the light. Hit the gas and don’t look back. The only things worth doing in life are the things that make your soul sing.

I hope if nothing else, I inspire you to make time for the things that make this life worth living to you—writing, dancing, riding, traveling, decorating, painting, surfing, whatever it is that fulfills you.

Need some inspiration to follow your dreams? Here are the bloggers who inspired me to follow mine:

1. Yoga Girl

Handstanding like a boss

Handstanding like a boss

Rachel Brathen is Instafamous and is quickly becoming actually famous. I first found her on Instagram, but now I stalk her on Twitter, Facebook and Snapchat. I’m obsessed, I know. Rachel writes about her life in picturesque Aruba, traveling the world to teach yoga, rescuing dogs, and yummy recipes for smoothies and vegan and vegetarian dishes. She and her husband, Dennis, also have an adorable blog together.

I just found out Rachel’s going to be at Burning Man this year and so am I! I’m so looking forward to meeting a fellow yogi who has been such an inspiration to me. Rachel is one of the most authentic people on social media. You won’t regret following her.

2. Global Frolic

Surfing like a boss

Surfing like a boss

I’m stoked to say I know Emma Doyle personally. We met when we were both studying abroad in Córdoba, Spain, and I was instantly attracted to her positive vibes. Now she has this super-inspirational blog that will make you pack your bags and book a one-way plane ticket faster than you can say “baby turtles.” You can stalk her here and here. And no one will blame you if you develop a girl crush.

3. World of Wanderlust

Touristing like a boss

Touristing like a boss

Warning: Brooke Saward’s blog will give you hardcore travel envy. She’s a super-talented photographer and blogger and manages to stay at some uber fancy places when she travels. She has truly turned her love of travel into a full time career. No matter where she is in the world, you can find her here, here and here.

4. This American Girl

Mermaiding like a boss

Mermaiding like a boss

I love Camille Willemain because she’s the perfect blend of inspirational and real. Breathtaking beach photos and amazing travel stories make up her blog just as much as real talk about getting sick, money struggles, and other challenges that come with a life of travel. One of my favorite times is when she got real about travel and white privilege. Find Camille here, here and here.

5. Meg At… 

Horsing around like a boss

Horsing around like a boss

Last, but most definitely not least, there’s Meg Banks. She’s the go-to blogger if you’re into horse shows. Whether you’re a competitor, horse show mom or dad, or even a horseperson who isn’t on the show circuit, you’ll enjoy her candid photos and clever commentary. She captures moments and scenes that may otherwise go unnoticed, but it’s those little details she sees that make the shows special. Meg came to my neck of the woods to attend the Upperville Colt & Horse Show, but I was traveling in Europe, so we sadly didn’t get to meet in person. It’s okay though, we’re totally social media besties. You can be her best friend, too, here, here and here.

Each of these bloggers inspires me because they had the courage to follow their hearts and write about something they love. Pouring yourself onto a page is one of the most vulnerable acts you can perform. Following your heart is one of the scariest choices you can make in life. I say go for it. Will your heart break? Many times. Will you heal and be stronger for it? Absolutely. So whatever it is you’re dreaming of doing, whether it’s starting a blog, buying a one-way plane ticket to a place you’ve never been, quitting your job to create art full time, or anything else you dream of, do it. The universe will be there to catch you and, who knows, you may even grow wings.