A Happy Beginning

“We carry belonging with us in our heart.” ~Brené Brown

The need to belong is a basic urge all humans feel. My entire life, I have felt different, and I have felt like I don’t belong anywhere, or in any one group. I’ve had numerous painful fallouts with friends, especially groups of girlfriends, because when a group turns into a clique, I refuse to lower my vibration to that level. I have tried to find belonging in various clubs in high school and college, and in various social groups since then, but I have always felt apart. The only place I’ve ever felt true belonging is with my horses.

My journey since college graduation has been windy and uncertain. For eight years, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this one precious, amazing gift that is life. At times, I felt sure I had figured it out, only for that path to come to a dead end, but I never lost faith. When a door would close, I knew the universe had something else in store. The only two things I remained sure of during these past eight years is my love and passion for horses and yoga. I knew that no matter what, I had to keep horses and yoga in my life.

An idea began to form that maybe one day I could have my own business incorporating horses and yoga, but I thought that would be further down the road after some other career that I would find. Well, it looks like the universe has its own timeline, and the time for me to have my own horse yoga business is NOW.

I’m ecstatic to announce that I’ve found the perfect, most serene and beautiful farm to lease—there’s even a space that I’m going to turn into a yoga studio! The farm is located here in Virginia among the gorgeous mountains with thousands of acres of ride out, a huge outdoor arena, and great paddocks for turnout. The barn itself is pretty much my dream barn, too. Once I took the leap and trusted the universe that the time for me to start this business is now, things have been falling into place so easily that I almost have a hard time believing it’s real. But real it is. I wake up happy every morning. Moving into this dream and making it a reality has reignited something in me that has been dormant since some trauma I went through around age 10. I feel joyful again. I’ve released my fear. I’ve let go of doubt.

Where there is light, there will also be darkness. My facility is going to be a training and boarding business that focuses on helping people develop deep, meaningful relationships and bonds with their horses. In addition to mounted riding lessons that focus on teaching centered/balanced riding, I’ll also be teaching programs on the ground and in the round pen that teach people how to communicate with horses on an energetic, psychic level. Needless to say, my barn is going to be different, and that’s how I want it to be. I know it will attract the right people and horses.

The dark side to all of this is that I’m finding out who doesn’t believe in me or support me. True friends are happy for others’ success. True friends believe in you no matter what. True friends support you in your endeavors. The thing is, I don’t need anyone else to believe in me, because I believe in me, I know what’s true in my heart, and I know I’m on the right path. I DO have wonderful, amazing people in my life who believe in and support me, and the few I’m finding out who don’t, well, that’s not my problem.

I’m grateful for every single chapter of my life, but I am so excited for this next one. This isn’t a happy ending, this is my happy beginning.

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What No One Tells You About High Vibes

You’ve seen those yoga tank tops with “High Vibe” or “Vibe Tribe” or “Good Vibes Only” printed across the front, right? Don’t get me wrong, I love them. I even own one from Super Love Tees that I wear all the time. But there’s something that no one tells you about raising your vibration. You will lose people, maybe even people you were once close to. You will lose friends, and very likely some family members will stop associating with you.

So what does “raising your vibration” mean, anyway? It means taking a mirror to your soul and peering into the dark spaces you thought were unlovable, dragging them into the light, and loving your entire self, dark parts included. When you love all of yourself, you can then love others. Recognizing and acknowledging the dark parts of yourself allows you to heal and grow. When you open that door and knock down those walls within yourself, others will feel it in your presence and be drawn to it. Raising your vibration means not giving a damn about doing what others or society tells you you should do, but instead following your heart and soul on whatever crazy adventure calls to your deep, primal self.

This world doesn’t need another paper-pusher working 40+ hours a week at a job that accomplishes nothing but paying the bills. What this world needs is radical love, shameless honesty, and brave hearts to stand up against ignorance, bigotry, and fear. While most people will be drawn to your openness, there are some that will fear it and will pull away, friends and family included. Once you’re totally honest with yourself, that honesty reflects back on others, and they may not be ready or willing to see themselves without the sweet sugar-coating society tells us we need in order to be socially accepted.

Honest relationships aren’t all rainbows and unicorns—there’s a lot of pain and growth involved for a relationship to remain honest and healthy. I’d much rather have authentic, honest, open relationships than shallow ones any day. This means I’ve lost people. I’m not telling you it’s easy. It’s difficult and requires sacrifice, but it’s worth it. Yes, some people will no longer be a part of your life, but this will open up space for others to enter.

Raising your vibration doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. All emotions actually become more intense, sadness and joy included. The difference is that your mind is able to remain calm no matter what emotion(s) you’re experiencing. These high vibes are world-changing, because the change begins within, and that’s the only kind of real change that exists. So become intensely self-aware, practice yoga, meditate, chant, spend time in nature. Parts of your journey will be suffocatingly lonely, but somewhere the magic will happen and you’ll come to embrace and enjoy the loneliness, which will then enable you to enjoy the company of friends, lovers, and family even more.

Let’s change the world together. I’ll see you on the high side.

Pura Vida: Horsing Around in Costa Rica

If there’s one word that describes Costa Rica perfectly, it’s magical. Costa Rica is a place with unmatched biodiversity, kind people, delicious food, and balmy weather. Not only did I experience all of that—I also got to play with horses! As serendipity would have it, Barking Horse Farm started following me on Instagram, so I checked out their profile and website. This farm specializes in Parelli Natural Horsemanship and Jungle Trekking, and hosts interns and volunteers throughout the year, so I thought going to Barking Horse Farm would be a great opportunity to travel and learn more about Parelli Natural Horsemanship. I originally planned to stay for three months, but ended up staying only one month for personal reasons. The month flew by, and I can’t wait to return to this beautiful country!

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I arrived at night and took a cab from the airport in San Jose to the farm, which is in an area called San Rafael Abajo, near a town called Puriscal. The headlights of the cab revealed in the darkness how green everything was; the flora and fauna were so lush, I thought they may overtake the road at any moment. Everything was shiny with a slick layer of moisture. I arrived at the tail end of the rainy season, so the mornings were sunny and bright, then the rain would roll through in the afternoon. Only in my last week there did the rain stop as the dry season began. Numerous dogs watched us as we passed, sometimes observing from a distance, other times chasing us and nipping at the tires. The curvy, hilly paved roads turned into bumpy gravel roads. I finally arrived at the farm and was greeted by a committee of one human, four dogs, and too many cats to count. I began settling in and putting my things away when I heard the sound of tires spinning. The cab was stuck in the driveway, in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere! In the darkness and mud, it’s easy to understand how it happened. Pamala, the farm owner’s friend and the human member of my greeting committee, hooked up a cable to the farm vehicle, pulled the cab out, and it was on its way. The excitement for the evening was over. With the roads and animals quiet, I could finally close my eyes and rest. I fell asleep to the melodic rhythm of the bugs’ and frogs’ songs. The matter-of-fact crowing of the rooster woke me. The bugs continued their soft hum into the morning. The birds sang their gentle tunes as the rooster’s crows faded.

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Other volunteers arrived in the following days. They hailed from the UK, Germany, Poland, and France. We were all very excited to go up to the pasture and see the horses. They live not at the farm, but in a pasture near the top of a mountain, where it’s a bit cooler and breezier compared to the climate at the farm, which tends to be warmer since it lays in a valley. We all climbed into the farm vehicle, a tough Isuzu four-by-four, and headed out to meet the horses. On the way, we encountered an obstacle, and one thing I learned is that Costa Rica is full of obstacles. You can either curse your luck and let the obstacles cause you frustration, or you can look at them as a learning opportunity. I chose the latter. There was a truck broken down in the middle of the road, and a group of Costa Rican men was trying to push it out of the way, but to no avail. I got out of our vehicle and walked over to help push. The men looked skeptical, but all the other lady volunteers also walked over to help and we got the truck moved in no time. We parted ways with smiles and, “Muchas gracias!”

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The horses seemed mildly interested to see us. They had been off for months, enjoying their vacation from the busy season. We brought treats with us, scraps of fruit, which the horses absolutely loved. In the days that followed, the group settled into a nice daily routine. We’d begin our day with yoga (taught by me), have fruit, oatmeal, and happy eggs for breakfast, feed the animals here (I was responsible for feeding the chickens), then go up to the pasture and work with the horses. We began with groundwork and the Seven Games from Parelli Natural Horsemanship, and some days we rode bareback and with the rope halters. The horses took well to us, despite their realization that our visits meant their vacation was over. We always brought them treats, and they thoroughly enjoyed them. We’d then return to the farm and enjoy a delicious lunch prepared by Marta, who has worked at the farm for 10 years. The meals were vegetarian and sometimes even vegan, which was really great. During the afternoon rains, we’d relax, read, and socialize. A few hours later, we’d prepare dinner and after dinner, we’d watch some Parelli DVDs or play games.

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Liz, the owner of Barking Horse Farm, arrived to the farm a few days after us volunteers. She took us up to play with the horses quite a few times and taught us some fun Parelli training techniques. One day we worked on carrot stick riding, which was an exciting challenge. We also got to go on numerous rides. The trails here are mostly on gravel and dirt roads, and the horses are so hardy and sure-footed. We saw majestic views, picturesque sugarcane fields, and wildlife galore. One day we rode over two hours to get to a breathtaking river. At one point, the trail gets so steep, narrow, and full of rocks and boulders that the horses have to be sent down without the riders. I had never done anything like that before, so I was curious to see how the horses handled it. It was like rock scrambling for horses. They stayed relaxed, carefully and confidently making their way down the hill and then back up on our way back. We had packed a delicious vegan lunch of a watermelon and brown rice with veggies. The river was so refreshing and there was no one there but us—a true paradise. There’s another river just a 15 minutes’ walk from the farm. The waterfall there creates a spectacular ambiance. I went every chance I got and returned glowing every time. There’s something about Costa Rica that makes it impossible to be unhappy.

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In addition to horsing around, we also got to have some very local experiences. One day we helped a local farmer harvest beans, beating them with sticks to release the beans from the stalks. It’s hot, tiring work, but many hands made light work that day.

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Another day we went to a trapiche, or sugarcane factory. I use the word factory loosely, because it’s not at all like a factory in the U.S. This factory is very small and run by three brothers. We got to taste the sugarcane in four different forms: first the juice, then the hot, thick liquid, then the taffy-like substance, and finally in its final form as a block of sugar. We were all fascinated by the process and varying flavors.

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The only bad time I experienced was the night we went to an exhibition of the Costa Rican horse. Liz had warned us that Costa Rican training methods are harsh, but I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. The horses looked stressed out and fearful, and there were many large riders on horses that were too small for them. The bits being used were harsh, and every rider wore pain-inducing (for the horse) spurs. The first rider and horse entered the ring performing what looked like a perverse version of a passage. I say perverse because the horse was tense, constantly flicking its tail, pinning its ears, and wrinkling its eyes and nostrils. The horse was also hollow, and the underside of its neck was overdeveloped, making it clear that it was forced to carry itself in an unhealthy position on a regular basis. The rider maneuvered the horse onto a platform where the “passage” turned into a kind of piaffe. It seemed the demonstration would never end, and my heart ached for the horse more and more with each passing second. This type of treatment and training is a result of ignorance, of not knowing there’s a better way. I can only hope that if and when these people are exposed to a better way, they’ll change.

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Liz’s passion and love for horses is inspiring, and her tenacity and commitment to pursuing Natural Horsemanship is admirable in a country where the traditional treatment of horses is harsh and violent. Liz’s horses are healthy and happy; they’re also the most bomb-proof horses I’ve ever met. I hope to return again one day to do a trek to the beach, which I didn’t get to do this time. The people I met, the horses I bonded with, and the memories I made are treasures I’ll remember for a lifetime.

 

Below are some photos from the trip. Visit my Facebook page to view the full album.

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The Tackroom

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happy chickens=happy eggs

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Pirate, chillin’ like a villain

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Manolo, Basta, and our jungle vehicle

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Stopping to snack on the sugarcane

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Full moon rising

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The volunteers with Liz (owner of Barking Horse Farm) and her friend, Pamala.

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Manolo, a rescue, with lots of love and Natural Horsemanship has come around to being a fantastic horse.

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Zanahoria wanted to come home with me.

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The volcano Momotombo in Nicaragua erupted the day before I flew by it on my way home. It hadn’t erupted in 100 years.

 

Graze On

Something burst open yesterday, in me and in the universe. After all, we are the universe and the universe is in us. We are made of stars. I laid my mat on the earth, craving the outdoors, the fresh air, the sky above me and the earth beneath. Prana flowed through me, grounding me and lifting me up all at once. My mind was quieter than ever, allowing me to truly be fully present during my practice. My heart was so open that backbending poses I had never before been able to do came easily. I was so grounded I held my handstand for seven long, slow breaths—longer than I had ever held it before. I lifted into pinchamayurasana with ease and stayed with little effort. I floated through my surya namaskars. My core fired up and kept me centered through it all. Because my mind was quiet, my ego couldn’t butt in and interfere. I was moving purely from my soul. My practice wasn’t perfect—I gently tumbled out of a standing split. Then I laughed and found joy there and realized that even in our flaws there is perfection.

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In a particularly vulnerable moment, I realized that everything that will be already was, and everything that was will be. After that epiphany made itself known to me, I let go. I let go of worry. I let go of stress. I let go of trying to control anything and everything except my own mind. All decisions have already been made. All outcomes have already happened. There’s no need to fret. Worry does nothing but drain our energy. This does not equal nihilism, nor does it negate free will. We still have choices—we’ve just already made them. We can still fight for what’s right, but the difference is that we can fight without struggling.

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Something big shifted in the universe. Can you feel it? No? Be still. Meditate. Breathe. Do yoga. Go for a walk. Pet your dog, cat, bird, horse, ferret or whatever furry/feathery friend you have. Watch your fish. Look up at the sky. Find what you’re grateful for and then sit with that gratitude. Listen to the steady beating of your heart. Feel whatever emotion is there, whether it’s joy, sorrow, hope, despair or longing. Feel itExpress it. Change what needs to be changed. And then move on. Go with the flow. You’ll continue down the river anyway, so why splash about so, unless you’re splashing for fun?

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So please, for the sake of your own beautiful soul, let go. Graze on. Just breathe. Just be.

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” Albert Einstein

Yoga Retreat at Kuntz Nokota Horse Preservation Ranch

“I was born upon the prairie, where the wind blew free, and there was nothing to break the light of the sun. I was born where there were no enclosures and where everything drew free breath.” Ten Bears

Wide open spaces, constant wind and rugged terrain were the first characteristics I noticed about North Dakota as I made my way to the Kuntz Nokota Horse Ranch in Linton. Owned by Leo Kuntz, a knowledgable horseman with an eye for good conformation and a sense for good minds (in horses and people), the Nokota Horse Ranch is truly preserving living history.

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The lovely, yet tough ranch hand, Holly, took me on a sunset ride on the evening of my arrival. As the setting sun warmed us with its golden rays and the sunflowers danced gently in the breeze, I thought to myself, “This just might be heaven.”

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The next day’s weather proved to be just as pleasant, making the first day of our yoga retreat a real dream come true. As I led savasana, “the boys,” as Leo and Holly refer to the herd of geldings, ventured down to us, approaching us with curious faces. The horses at the ranch are pretty much wild, although some do get gentled. Being surrounded by the herd during such a profound moment in our practice was a magical experience I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.

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After our yoga class, Holly drove us around to see some of the stud/mare bands. She also showed us tipi circles, or stones arranged in large circles by the Native American tribes that used to call that land home. There was an energetic vibration to the land that I’ve experienced nowhere else. It’s like the history is almost so palpable you could touch it.

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Holly also took us to the Offering Stone, where the tribe’s medicine man would perform rituals and where, today, you can leave a token, such as a coin, as an offering and ask for blessings from the spirits in return. That space somehow commanded silence, and we all stood there taking in the view and the energy for a few long moments. Time seemed to cease to exist.

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That evening around sunset we strolled to a special place on the ranch where the mares and foals happened to be grazing.

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Seeing them live so free and natural filled my spirit with joy and sorrow all at once, for while I gazed upon that wild herd, I also thought of all the horses whose lives are spent boxed up in stalls.

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Later that night, I went out to look at the stars and my jaw literally dropped when I looked up. The Milky Way had never looked so magnificent and the sky had never seemed so big.

The weather turned colder and more blustery on Saturday. The strong wind held off until after our yoga class, but the rest of the day was mostly spent indoors. Sunday arrived carrying even colder temperatures and stronger winds, so instead of asanas, I led us in pranayama and meditation indoors. The wind began to subside later that afternoon, so I hung out with “the boys” for a bit, trying to coax Mr. Grey, my favorite, into taking a peppermint from my hand. He did place his muzzle in my hand, but he wasn’t so interested in the peppermint.

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Leo cooked buffalo burgers and summer veggies for dinner, regaling us with tales from his life as we enjoyed the hardy, home-cooked meal. The next day I had to say goodbye. Mr. Grey seemed not to mind my presence and allowed me to hang out near him while he grazed. One of my favorite things about Leo is his willingness to allow visitors to hang out with the herd. Simply being in the horses’ presence can be a transcendental, yet grounding experience from which there is much to learn. I look forward to returning to the ranch next summer to lead another retreat and to spend more time with these majestic, wise creatures.

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You may view a video I put together of the weekend here.

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Ask and You Shall Receive

This life is truly amazing. There are rough patches, but how would we ever appreciate the good times without the bad?

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My corporate job and I recently parted ways, and the accompanying emotions included fear, shock, exhilaration, relief and joy. Due to the unexpected nature of this change, I didn’t have a Backup Plan ready to go—hence the fear. What I do have is a lot more freedom than ever before, which is what I’ve been yearning for since I first stuck myself in an office two years ago. The previous stage of my life taught me some valuable skills and helped me get to know myself and my desires better. The next stage of my life will be one of uncertainty, adventure, thrills (and some spills, most likely), and I couldn’t be more excited.

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Doors are already opening for me. Put out there into the universe your heart’s desires, and you may just get what you wish for. I’m passionate about yoga on horseback and am receiving inquiries about clinics. I was yearning for more travel, and because of some magical serendipities, the next two months I’ll be away more than I’ll be home. I’m heading to Kuntz Nokota Horse Ranch this month to teach a yoga retreat, and a few days after I return from that, I’ll be on a plane to Reno to make my way to my first ever Burning Man. Right after my week in the Playa, I’ll be on a plane to Bolivia, where my dad is from, where I’ve wanted to go my entire life.

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After that I have no idea where I’ll go or what I’ll be doing, but what excites me most is that I’ll have the freedom to make my own way. I must make a living, but that doesn’t mean I have to be tied to a desk every day from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. If that life makes you happy, great, go be the best at it. But it’s not for me. There will be challenges as I try to find ways to make my life financially sustainable doing what I love, but because I’m committed to following my heart and doing work that speaks to my soul, I know the universe will provide all I need.

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Some may believe faith is for the foolish, but I believe it takes a brave and wise soul to have faith. Having faith means trusting in the good, believing that good exists at all, believing that the heart’s wishes should be heeded and the soul’s yearnings fulfilled. How else should we ever live our lives than doing what we love? What else could possibly be more important than lifting each other up and making this world a better place by utilizing our own unique gifts? So I say cheers to uncertainty, for it gives us an opportunity to immerse ourselves in the flow of the universe and be guided by our hearts and souls.

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“Just living is not enough…one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” ~Hans Christian Andersen

Be Yourself, Your Bad Self

“Nature Trail,” the sign read. I turned my car around to go find this nature trail. I was on my way home from running errands and time in nature sounded like just what I needed. I found myself at the Bull Run Mountains Conservancy, which has miles of hiking trails. I was not wearing hiking clothes, as this was an impromptu trip into nature, but I had on a comfortable dress and decent boots, so I decided to go ahead and explore a bit. I drove to the end of the road and found a beautiful old mill, the stones supported by steel beams to keep the whole thing from falling down.

Bull Run Mill

I explored the mill, listening to the sounds of birds and the nearby stream, taking in the scents all around me and, of course, taking yoga photos.

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After spending uncounted peaceful minutes in the mill, I followed the sound of the creek and found a little path leading down towards it. The path ended at a wall of rock that was the only thing between me and the creek. A little voice in my head said, “Don’t do it, Angie. You’re alone, you’re not wearing climbing shoes. What if you fall?” Sometimes that little voice is right, but most of the time, it’s only holding you back from your full potential. I always enjoy a good bouldering challenge, so I scrambled my way up the rock and over the other side, finding my own private swimming hole calling my name.

Bull Run creek

The little voice piped up again, “You don’t have a towel, what if there are snakes in the water, what if it’s slippery or too deep? You’re all alone.” I grew up in the country, in the mountains, right next to a creek, so I know how to be smart and safe in this environment and I knew that little voice wasn’t coming from a logical place. So I waded into the water, relishing my solitude and the gentle, refreshing current of the creek.

And everything was okay. I was okay. I didn’t slip. I didn’t drown. I didn’t fall off the rocks. I had a magical time by myself, reconnecting with nature and my goddess within. That little voice inside me didn’t want that to happen. That’s the voice that pushes us to always choose the “safe” option, to follow not our hearts, but what others and society expect of us. That voice tells us to be “good.” Especially as women, we’re taught from a young age to be cautious, polite and cooperative. That’s what good girls do. I’m here to tell you that choosing the “safe” option strangles your soul. Letting yourself, your “bad” self come out to play is one of the best things you can do for your body, mind and spirit. Maybe you’re not ready to quit your job, pack up and move to a tropical island. That’s okay. But everyday, try doing something that scares you, that makes that little voice pipe up, but instead of listening to that anxious voice, take a deep breath and listen to your heart. Go on a hike somewhere new. Take that turn down a back road you’ve never explored. I promise you’ll be rewarded with a happy heart and a satisfied soul.

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